Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Thoughts on recovery

As I recover, I've been thinking about some of the things I talk about with my clients. They make a lot of sense but, as I try to apply them myself, I realize what a challenge this whole process is.

I tell people to focus on what they can do rather than what they can't. The positive rather than the negative. Why is this so hard? I think it's because of our programming. Research has found that we store negative and positive information separately and that negative data is stronger. If you think about it, this is adaptive. We need to pay attention to the bad stuff, avoid it if possible because it can hurt us. The positive we just take for granted. So it really does take an effort to shift our focus to the good stuff even if we're not injured.

Another thing, we have a certain amount of energy dedicated to worrying (differs from person - I'm a champion worrier). When there are a lot of problems, this worry energy is distributed over a lot of territory. I always noticed that people initially didn't seem worried about certain things, until they started getting a lot better. Then, the same amount of worry energy became focused on fewer things and they became intensely concerned about those residual problems.

Years ago, when my son was two and an only child, I was having a conversation with a friend about how much I worried about him. My friend, incidentally, had 10 kids. I remember her saying to me, "You need to have a few more. You'll worry about all of them less." Same principle, I guess.

Finally, a lot of times your therapists and doctors will ask you to give a percentage to describe your improvement. I don't think this helpful for a couple of reasons: first, whether you're 30% or 2% away from "normal", it's still too far. Second, if you're 2% away from normal, and that 2% is what made you "special", it can be pretty frustrating.

I think, speaking from personal experience, the best thing is to be patient with the frustration. It's OK and even normal. And then to set small goals so you really can measure your progress.

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